Gundam SeeD: Whisper softly in my dreams
by Spiritblade
Summary: [ONE SHOT] Fllay's hopes, fears and dreams. A quiet look at a fallen angel who yearns to feel the embrace of her beloved once again.


**_Gundam SeeD: Whisper softly in my dreams _**

**_Written by Spiritblade _**

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own Gundam SeeD, its characters, or its franchises. Right, now down to the story. This story is in Fllay's POV. There are some mature scenes in this story.

I miss him, I really do.

The emptiness of the bed I'm sleeping on reminds me all too well that he's not at my side. Will never be by my side. I could remember how I almost collapsed when Sai told me that Kira was never coming back, and the terrible ache that suddenly squeezed my heart then returns in the silent darkness with a vengeful fury. Inch for inch, the Dominion was a replica of the white-and-crimson Archangel, right down to the last detail. Even the room I was in was the same room that Kira and I had shared when we had lived on the Archangel.

If I concentrate hard enough, I can almost feel the warm touch of his skin, the pained look in his amethyst eyes that held both love and compassion, the scent of each breath as I held him close. I can still remember the way he held me, and the sensation is one I long to feel again. I felt as though I was being embraced by an entire world, and I knew that no nightmare would defile the sanctity of my rest as long as he was there.

Perhaps that was why everyone liked him.

Just by being there, he drove the fear away. He was afraid and yet he never showed it. It was evident to everyone, but the sheer fact that he kept going back to challenge the ZAFT fleet that hounded us all those months ago told them that there was simply no time to be afraid.

And yet, after each encounter, he wept. No person I knew would weep for the adversaries they fell, but Kira was clearly the exception. I thought it foolish at first, but I soon realised that the cross that he bore upon himself was a truly heavy one. I had been angry at first, thinking that the reason my father died was because he refused to fight his fellow Coordinators. I wanted to use him as an instrument of vengeance, and I gave myself to him, with the full intention of making him my puppet.

I wanted to Coordinators to pay for my father's death, and I wanted Kira to be my avenging angel. But, instead of bringing vengeance crashing down on them, he swept his wings about me with the full intention of ensuring that the fate that befell my father would not befall me. The plans I had made to make the Coordinators pay in blood for my father's death crumbled. What Kira gave in its place was something more precious – and it was only now did I realise how much I wanted it.

I wanted him by my side.

That soft, quiet starlit night when we first made love in the silent darkness, when I offered myself to him…I wanted to recapture that moment over and over again. I wanted to know that I am not alone; that I will never be abandoned; that, to someone, I am the living, beating heart of his soul, and that when the dawn comes, I will hold in my hands a dream made real.

Am I asking for too much?

I won't deny the fact that I am. But now…all I want…all I want…

…All I want is to see him again so that I can tell him how I feel.

I want the dream that we shared abroad the Archangel to continue. I want to be Kira's special person, and I know, from that anguished scream, that I already was. Had his friend not rescued him, I would have lost him forever. And after losing him the first time, I do not want to suffer the anguish of losing him a second time.

I don't think Lieutenant – no, Major – Natarle Badgiruel wants to suffer something like that as well. Kira had wormed a place into her heart the same way he won a place in everyone else's. He had a way with girls that made him adorable and cute in their eyes. I had thought him a klutz back then, too. Coordinators DO NOT fail tests. Kira was the obvious exception to the rule. He had left the professors in our University so stunned and slack-jawed that if he made any more blunders, they would almost write him off as the first defect of the entire Coordinator race. But, it was these blunders that made him approachable. Throw in that cute face of his and the result was more than enough for anyone to be hospitalised for broken ribs and punctured lungs – most of which were caused from laughing too hard.

The most appealing physical aspect about Kira – outside of his boyish good looks and lean frame – were his eyes. Take one look, and a girl could get lost staring at them. They were so deep, full of emotion that it was mesmerising. I had once caught Lieutenant Natarle simply unable to break away from staring at him. Even that rebel girl, Cagalli, had become a statue. Even that Coordinator girl, Lacus, had been unable to speak.

If one's eyes were the windows to one's soul, then Kira's would have given one the vista of a starlit heaven. No girl I knew had been able to resist those soulful eyes of his. They tell a story without him ever needing to speak a word. What were they like now?

I know there is none of the innocence that we have both lost. I know that I will see a fierce yearning to return to days long gone…and a resignation that there is no way that the clock can be turned back. I will see the battles he had fought and the tears he had shed. I will see the bloodstained goodness and purity in a soul that is forever scarred. But, no matter how much he wants to turn back time, I know – and I think he does, too – that he can never return to the way things were before.

As Christ had his Golgotha, so did Kira have his own cross to bear – but he would not bear that heavy burden alone. There were others around him that would make sure that he never had to. Even if he could bear that cross, they would not let him. For that, I am thankful…even to Natarle, who had confided in me that there had been times she had wanted to strangle the life out of Kira for scaring the living daylights out of her.

In that sense, Kira rubbed off on people. No one who had met him did would leave without some of his personality rubbing off on them. He brought out the best in them without any need for him to demand it. And if what I am seeing is real, then Kira has in his hands the power to make history. The people who stand with him now are the same people who share a courageous dream of ending an apocalyptic confrontation before it sends the entire human race – Naturals **AND** Coordinators – into extinction.

They were horribly outnumbered, Natarle told me, but it is clear that they are not about to back down. 3 ships against the combined might of PLANT and the Earth Alliance – anyone with half a brain could see where this was going to go. But anyone who understands half of what the crews of those 3 ships understand is that the stakes for the survival of the human race was higher now than they ever have been at any time in human history.

If they fail…then the history of the human race will end in a storm of blood and fire.

But, deep inside, I know he won't fail.

I know you can do it, Kira. I have faith in you. And, if I can see you again, I want to tell you the words I never had a chance to say, and whisper softly in your ear the dreams I have had. Each one that I had had you in it.

And the one dream that remains so clear in my mind even after I wake up is the one where you held your – no, our – children. I can almost draw them on pen and paper – so clear were their features and expressions – with my fine red hair and your soulful amethyst eyes as they fight for a place on your lap. I see in that dream the man you would grow into – and I know that you will become that man. I don't need a dream – or a vision – to tell me the person you would eventually become.

I closed my eyes, remembering what my homeroom teacher had said a long time ago when I had been a young girl. She had dressed up as a fortune-teller in the school fair, and I had to wait an hour before I had my turn. Her gaze had not been weary as she had been when dealing with my classmates. They had sharpened and taken on a clarity that had paralysed me. She had taken my small hands in hers, and whispered:

'_You pave your path in vengeance, but he will make you yield it. You will mark his heart with your life for all of his, and strengthen him inside. Like fire thou art, that you light the way; like a fallen angel thou art, glorious and sad; like a woman thou art, seeking love, acceptance and companionship. A moment in eternity is still eternity, but if the Fates decree it so…it shall be forever.'_

I will make that dream real, Michiru-sensei. I will light the way for him even as I strengthen him inside.


End file.
